


I'm Happy At Home

by myfairyqueenie



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, But then he meets the other boys and it gets better!, Gen, I mean I guess it could take place in a modern setting or back in the 70s, John is sad and lonely, Platonic Soulmates, You can choose how you wanna read it lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22261096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfairyqueenie/pseuds/myfairyqueenie
Summary: Never in his life had John felt like he belonged anywhere. He was quiet and shy and introverted - not the ideal combination for a thriving social life. But even when he actually put the effort into meeting people and making conversation, it seemed like nobody was really interested in being friends with him.*Or, John has accepted that he'll always be lonely and friendless. But will that truly always be the case?
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	I'm Happy At Home

**Author's Note:**

> I'm backkk! I've been wanting to write more fanfic for a while, but I haven't had any ideas for another story. Until now!! I actually wrote this one a while ago, but I never published it bc I just didn't like it lol. But I came back today and did some edits, and I've decided that it's somewhat decent enough to post :P Of course it's super angsty but I guess that's just my brand haha. Again I'm open to everyone's opinions on this but pls don't be too hard on me lol. Also if you have any prompt ideas you want me to try out, feel free to comment them or msg me on social media about it (linked in the end notes). Enough of my rambling, I hope you enjoy this one <3

Never in his life had John felt like he belonged anywhere. He was quiet and shy and introverted - not the ideal combination for a thriving social life. But even when he actually put the effort into meeting people and making conversation, it seemed like nobody was really interested in being friends with him. John felt like he was constantly reaching and reaching and r e a c h i n g out, but it wasn’t ever reciprocated in the same way. And eventually, it just didn’t seem worth trying anymore. So John shrunk back into himself, assuming there was just something about him that wasn’t worthy of connecting with others. 

When he wasn’t at school, most of his days were spent sitting alone in his room, wishing to be somewhere, _anywhere_ , else. To distract himself, John liked tinkering with electronics, taking apart bits and putting them back together; or learning his favorite songs on bass guitar. And this became John’s routine; it felt safe and relaxing, nobody could hurt him or reject him here. He was quite _comfortable_ in his comfort zone, thank you very much. And why let go of that?

So he’s not sure what happened on the day he passed the notice board on his way to class and saw a flyer that said a band called Queen was looking for a bass player. John’s not sure why, no matter how hard he tried to concentrate on his schoolwork, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’s not sure why, on his way home later, he wrote down the number written on said flyer. John’s not sure why, despite his sweaty hands and shallow breaths, that he’s standing in front of a studio, about to audition for some random band he’d seen perform one time a while ago on a lonely night as he drank his misery away by himself at the bar. And he’s not sure why the other three boys - by the names of Freddie, Brian, and Roger - who were clearly much more loud and outgoing and extroverted than he was, liked him and his bass playing enough to immediately accept him as their newest member of Queen.

But to his surprise, John liked them too. Although Freddie and Brian and Roger argued all the time, they never dragged him into it or made him take sides - in fact, they never caused him feel uncomfortable at all. If he didn’t want to talk, John didn’t have to; but they also always asked him if he had an opinion on the band decisions they discussed. There was just something about being around them that put the tight knot of social anxiety in John’s chest at ease. Eventually, he found himself growing relaxed enough to join in on their conversations, and the other three were more than delighted that their new bass player was finally coming out of his shell a bit.

But old habits die hard, and sometimes John still had moments of insecurity; doubting that these three _truly_ liked him, which, when he was coaxed to talk about what was so obviously bothering him, was met with immediate disagreement.

“Come on, John!” Brian exclaimed. “It’s so nice to finally have another intelligent person to talk to. These two knuckleheads,” he gestured to Freddie and Roger, “Have no idea what I’m saying half the time. It’s enough to drive me mad.”

This earned him a smack on the arm from Freddie and a kick in the shin from Roger, and Brian, giggling, pushed them away before Roger turned to grin widely at John.

“I hate to agree with the nerd here, but he’s right. You’re our friend, Deaky! Besides, do you know how many bass players we had tried out before you came along? God, you can’t even imagine how relieved we were to find you!”

But something stuck out the most to John. _Deaky_. He had never gotten a nickname before, and a warm feeling spread through his chest, replacing the cold loneliness and insecurity from before; a warmth he realized was what he had been searching for his whole life.

A feeling of belonging.

For a while, John was feeling pretty good about things - he connected incredibly well with the others musically, and the songs they were creating sounded amazing. So when Freddie announced their first gig coming up, John didn’t really process the reality of it all until an hour before they were scheduled to go on stage at the local pub. John began to dread the idea of everyone’s eyes of him; he had never played bass in front of an audience, and now a bunch of people he didn’t know would be watching. John’s throat closed up as he slowly got dressed, and without realizing it, tears started streaming down his cheeks, threatening to smudge the little bit of eyeliner Freddie had convinced him to put on. John quickly excused himself to the tiny bathroom, cursing himself for being so fucking pathetic to have a panic attack over something like this, hunched over in the dirty stall that only seemed to contribute further to his mental suffocation. Until Freddie, who always seemed to have an intuitive feeling when things weren’t right, came into the bathroom to find a shaking John there, hiding his face behind his hands. And John told Freddie that he just couldn’t play, and he was so sorry for being a burden, and they should find someone else to perform with them, because he just couldn’t handle this. But Freddie, being the determined soul he is, helped John calm down, until John could breathe somewhat normally again. Then Freddie grabbed John by the shoulders, looking him dead in the eye, and said, “I know this is all very hard for you. But I’m looking at you right now, and I know that you have it within you to do this. We wouldn’t have let you into the band if we didn’t see all the potential you have, even if you can’t see it for yourself yet.” Then Freddie stood up and smiled, showing all his teeth (which he never did unless he was around his closest friends, and John knew this), and said, “The show must go on, darling. Show ‘em what you got.”

John swore he never played as well as he did that night.

And every time he got nervous before another gig, Freddie would look over at him and wink, and that simple gesture never failed to flood John’s body with relief.

So this became his new life. After such a long time of feeling isolated and alone in the world, John finally felt like he had a family. Losing his father as a kid had caused his own flesh-and-blood family to all drift away from each other, everyone in their own little worlds of grief; and John shut down completely, not wanting to talk about his pain without adding to theirs. But it was different now. John was part of something, with people who really truly cared about him. Although he remained the quietest one of the group, John sometimes joined in on the seemingly endless arguments, and eventually became much more confident in himself and his ideas.

But even a few years later, when he and Freddie and Brian and Roger were all sharing a flat together, John found it hard to process how much things had improved for him. It would be something as simple as a lazy Sunday morning, when he woke up late and wandered to the kitchen, and would see the sleepy faces of his best friends: a hungover Freddie drinking his third cup of coffee in nothing but an oversized shirt and his underwear; Brian reading the newspaper intently with his messy curls pulled away from his face into what barely passed as a top bun; and a shirtless Roger sprawled on the couch in the morning sunlight, wearing his glasses that he only kept on at home, humming along to a Jimi Hendrix vinyl he was playing on their dingy little record player. There would be a chorus of “Good morning, Deaky darling!” “About time you got up,” and “Almost thought you had died in there, Deaks!” And John would be hit with absolute incredulity of it all. These people really did love him - they loved him enough to ask him to move into a new flat with them; enough to make sure he felt comfortable during concerts despite his anxiety, enough to remind him that he could always come to any of them for support.

These were his best friends, the ones who heard him crying in his room on the anniversary of his father’s death and burst in and piled themselves on his bed, wiping his tears away and reminding him that they would always take care of him, and despite the fact that John’s bed was clearly made for one person and it was hot as a furnace and everybody was crammed slightly uncomfortably into each other, they all fell asleep there that night, cuddled up together.

And John woke up the next day knowing he would never be lonely again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading <3 Come hang out with me on Instagram @myfairyqueenie or Tumblr @my-fairy-queenie :-)


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